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A survey of 2,000 people in Europe and the U.S. revealed the shocking news (I’m being facetious) that doggy style is overwhelmingly the go-to sex position (Preferred Positions/A Look at Sexual Favorites Across Europe and the U.S.).

From the report: …we found that a little over 35 percent preferred doggy style. Missionary position was also a fan favourite, with nearly 23 percent of survey takers picking this sexual position. What is it about doggy style that keeps the majority of respondents coming back for more?

Yawn.

Nothing new here. Everyone likes to do it doggies, right? Well, maybe not lesbians (not that you could tell from the survey; it only lists “gay” as a category of people surveyed. As usual, lesbians are ignored or lumped with gay men, one must assume.) What’s more interesting to this former reporter is the way the information is presented. Shall I pick it apart?

First, the lack of information about the survey itself. The web page isn’t dated, doesn’t cite any stats about who was surveyed, when the survey was taken, etc.—nothing to inspire confidence in its validity. A little internet digging shows that the survey appears on the British health website DrEd.com, operated by Health Bridge Limited in the U.K. I found about the survey on the U.S. website Alternet (which simply regurgitated the results in its usual cutesy style without questioning the methodology or noting how obvious the results are).

Again, so what? Its conclusions aren’t earthshaking or even that interesting. But it gets worse.

Look at the answer provided to the question above (why doggy style is No. 1): deeper penetration and hitting the G-spot (for women, obviously; the survey is very hetero-oriented; sorry about your prostate, guys).

Really? That’s it? Nothing else to say about the Numero Uno sex position (by a clear margin, if you believe the survey, and I don’t, since it lists missionary as number two)? Since the survey or Alternet’s article didn’t expand on it, I will.

For the bottom (hetero version), doggy style represents more than just deep penetration. Ass jutting into the air, genitals exposed in a vulnerable position of complete surrender, her head is on the sheets (or the carpet, or the grass, or the forest floor), arms outstretched. In doggy, the bottom is a carnal offering, presenting herself for immediate mounting. Yeah, just like an animal (say, a dog). She’s lubricated, swollen, open and inviting a wild ride (for herself and the top). It’s the way to fuck when you want to fuck (and be fucked) hard.

The top is getting more out of this than deeper thrusts. For one thing, it’s the view—that beautiful ass, the round globes of her cheeks, her glorious back and body spread out in front of you. She’s giving her body, and the top is about to take it.

And her asshole. The top envelopes her cheeks in his hands to lift and spread her ass. Her brown hole winks up at you. The vision of a presenting lover’s anus in a moment of deep desire is a supreme visual turn-on.

With the bottom’s help, the top positions his cock head at her slick entrance and pushes. He watches as his cock slides past her glistening labia and into her pussy. The bottom squeals or groans or whimpers as he fills her tight hole.

Now he’s fucking her, his hands gripping her hips or waist,  filling her with long, leisurely strokes. He looks down and watches as his shaft disappears inside her, glistening with her juices. If she’s a young woman, her ass and thighs are smeared with her copious juices. (It’s a sight so powerful that young men without control and experience involuntarily explode.) Through his penis clamped tight in her vagina and her ass pressing on the fronts of his thighs, he can feel her reactions—she squirms, she bucks, she thrusts back in the frenzy of fucking.

His tempo increases. His fucking is faster now. He’s banging into her ass, watching his cock spearing her with each thrust, watching the flesh of her ass ripple and shake with each impact. Her asshole gapes as he pounds her. She’s vocalizing, her hands clawing the bedspread, her breasts shaking and swaying, her face buried in the sheets as she stifles her screams.

At this point, one of two things happen. He can reach around, find her hard nub and furiously strum her clit until she comes. Or, if he senses she doesn’t need digital stimulation, he drills into her even harder, gripping her hips in a frenzy that bruises.

Her climax is a full-body shudder. She thrusts back on his hard dick as her hips explode in wild convulsions completely out of her control. Hot bolts of ecstasy surge out of her pussy, through her core, over her ass, and up her back to her head.

More often than not, the top explodes, too, filling her with hot jets of cum, over and over.

If he’s skilled, the top doesn’t come. Not yet. His job isn’t over. He backs off, slows his thrusting, and watches in awe as her orgasm rips through her body, still riveted on his rock-hard cock. Now he really owns her. Slowly, deliberately, he resumes thrusting. There’s nothing she can do. With every nerve ending on fire, she’s a vessel, waiting to be filled. There’s nothing else to do but submit. And, as his tempo increases and his penis strains toward completion, she comes over and over and over. Because she’s a woman, multi-orgasmic and sexual in a way that inspires awe. At some point, his cock, heavy like petrified wood, balls drawn tight against the base of the shaft, gushes deep inside her as he bellows like a stallion.

Can it get any more intimate than this? Is this what doggy style means to you?

Speaking of her (or his) asshole, the survey also listed “anal” as a position, albeit way down the list, just beating tabletop in last place. WTF? Anal is a sex position? Clearly, anal sex can be performed in virtually any position. I’m shaking my head over that one.

It also includes 69 on the list. Really? Aren’t we talking about sexual intercourse here? Why confuse the issue? If the survey is going to include oral sex, list all the different ways to perform cunnilingus and fellatio.

We see this over and over. When it comes to sex, mainstream media just can’t rise to the occasion—in this case, to vet information on a survey before writing about it and to talk to readers like adults. All it can do is titillate.

I’m all for titillation. But not in the news. With news, just like with my favorite sex position, I like it hard and fast.

 

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