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cervixSorry for the detailed diagram, folks. But some serious shit is going down.

There’s a new female erogenous zone! The cervix! Who knew?

I certainly didn’t. Then I read about it on AlterNet.

“Taoist philosophy holds that women possess three ‘gates’ of orgasm: the clitoris, the G-spot and the cervix,” wrote Carrie Weisman in Have You Ever Had a Cervical Orgasm? “The clitoris is recognized as an easy and effective path to orgasm. The G-spot can be another powerful pleasure point. But the cervix? That area doesn’t commonly enter into conversations about orgasm.”

Okay, so I guess cervical orgasms have been around for a while. Sorry. But, wow, what have I been missing? I got the clitoral and G-spot orgasms down pat, so to speak. Why not go for the trifecta? It sounds great.

“Annie Sprinkle describes the cervical orgasm as, ‘A huge tension release deep in the gut. They are almost like belly orgasms,'” Weisman wrote.

It gets even better: “You can usually tell when you’ve hit the cervix because a woman’s noises will change,” another expert said. “They’ll become more guttural and raw, uncontrolled.”

Guttural, raw and uncontrolled are three of my favorite words! Another expert waxed eloquently on cervical orgasms: “When I try to describe what a cervical orgasm is like, I tell people it’s like being on ecstasy. It’s a whole-body shimmer, a high that spreads out so everything feels delicious and I radiate for days afterward.”

Sign me up! Wait, how do you do it? Apparently, special equipment is required. If you know what I mean.

“Those who have managed to incorporate cervical play into their sex lives know that deep penetration is required,” Weisman warned.

Damn. Safe to say, the average five-inch penis ain’t gonna do the trick. And it’s definitely problematic for women who do it with women.

Like a good journalist, Weisman found some experts who politely disagreed that the cervical orgasm is the greatest thing since Hitachi went into the electric vibrator business.

“Carol Queen, staff sexologist at Good Vibrations, told AlterNet in an email, ‘Some people find this kind of stimulation unerotic, neutral, unpleasant or painful—so the cervix isn’t a magical hidden pleasure point, at least not for everyone.’

“She added, ‘I’m one of those women myself who feels pain when my cervix is struck, even if I’m highly aroused. So only a small percentage of women are likely to be having sex with large enough guys to notice cervical stimulation very much; and some of those women won’t like what they feel.’”

My own experience, alas, parallels Queen’s (who I don’t know personally, but I’ve been to her store in San Francisco–and let me tell you, those lesbians know their sex toys!). The few times I’ve had a deep pussy pounding from a big brute, my ass up in the air, face-down clutching a pillow, it hurt when he hit bottom. I may have gotten guttural, but not the good way.

So there you have it, folks. Another life-changing sex article from AlterNet.

Or just hype.

A final thought: We need to get science working on exploring new erogenous zones. Or, failing that, inventing them. How about one, say, in the back of the throat?